by Keiyana McIntosh on April 12, 2023
In many black family households, you were told “what happens in this house, stays in this house.” Unfortunately, the outcome of keeping hurtful and toxic experiences to ourselves create trauma.
Holding onto trauma is something this week's guest knows all too well. Life Coach, author, and entrepreneur, Tamika Thomas grew up with her mother in and out of jail due to drug addiction. This left her having to grow up faster than needed, and exposed to sexual and physical abuse.
Tamika’s upbringing left her looking for love in the wrong places, which resulted in unhealthy relationships and unsuccessful marriages. With life dealing an overwhelming hand, Tamika reached her breaking point at the attempt of suicide, followed later by a stroke caused by a massive amount of stress.
We all have experienced trauma in one form or another, but it’s how we deal with it that determines how we move in life. In 2015, Tamika took a leap of faith to stop using her hurt and tragedies as a crutch to cripple her, instead, she used them as fuel to elevate her to the next level. She knew that all she had been through was not in vain, but held a purpose, and eventually, she found her purpose past her pain.
By doing the work through therapy and prayer, she has healed and made peace with her past. Through her healing, Tamika has found success in love and marriage and uses her testimony to help other women heal and succeed in their endeavors.
Keiyana: Welcome Tamika to Foundation first. We're so happy to have you here, and we cannot wait to hear your story, which is so powerful.
Tamika: Hi. Thank you so much for having me. I count it a privilege and an honor whenever I have the opportunity to share my story and hopefully inspire and not impress, which is ultimately my goal in everything I do.
Keiyana: As a life coach, you help women heal from their trauma. What have been some traumatic experiences that you have healed from?
Tamika: Emotionally, I have had to heal from emotional abuse, sexual abuse, and physical abuse. I have recovered from a major stroke and a mental health diagnosis where I attempted suicide. Lastly, I've had to heal in the areas of love. I am a two-time divorcee, but I don't say I'm divorced, instead, I state I have two successfully completed marriages.
Keiyana: How did your journey to healing and inspiring others begin?
Tamika: Honestly, it began the moment of my stroke. I think that when we are called to help others if we look back over our lives, we'll see evidence of who we've always been. When people ask me how to discover their passion or how to pursue it, we soon find that it's been threaded throughout their life. But after I had my stroke, I realized this is what I was created to do. And I asked God at that moment, if you give me the activities of my limbs back, I will do everything in my power to live this life that you have called me to.
Keiyana: And you held to your word, <laugh>. God honored that because He knew you would live up to your promise. What approaches do you use with your clients that get them those successful results?
Tamika: Besides being a life and relationship coach, I also have over 15 years of experience in the mental health field. I believe in cognitive behavioral therapy, also called CBT. CBT is the idea that if we can envision it in our minds, we can achieve it. So that's one of the major methodologies that I use. The other methods I use in my sessions are faith-based. Therefore, I believe in journaling and combining our spiritual life. I always pray with my clients before and after our sessions, and I believe in helping women submit to the process. The biggest thing I teach women is how to submit to their life's purpose.
Keiyana: Being someone who empowers others daily, who has been an inspiration in your life?
Tamika: I love this question because I think it will surprise people that although I have mentors and people I admire, my biggest inspiration is my children. They motivate me and help me push forward every single day. I look up to my oldest son Moses. He was born at 26 weeks weighing one pound, nine ounces. The doctors said he wasn't going live, but I saw this little one-pound baby fight for their life. And that was evidence that if we continue to fight, we can do anything we put our minds to.
Keiyana: Last year, your Podcast, Tuesdays with Tamika received an amazing network opportunity with InspireU. How has this experience impacted your brand and business?
Tamika: This opportunity has elevated me. My premise is to help women heal, elevate, and become restored. When you elevate, you can help other people elevate too. Being a part of the InspireU Network has boosted me to reach more ears and folks with my story. As a result, this opportunity allows all of us to heal. I believe that one person's healing is like tsunami waves that consume others in its path healing one after another. So partnering with the InspireU Network has amplified my voice and allowed me to help more women heal.
Keiyana: That’s amazing! Outside of your brand, you are a wife, and this July you and your husband will be celebrating five years of marriage. Congratulations! Can you tell us more about how this black love transpired?
Tamika: Oh my gosh! It is truly like a fairytale. My husband slid into the DMs. You know the voiceover that says, this boy in my DM says I'm pretty <laugh>.
That is a real thing. When you use discernment, answering the DMs can be very powerful. So, he messaged me on Facebook, and from “hello” we have been glued. It has been one miracle after another. I often tell people, we did not come in whole as people say we should. We entered in with a desire to help one another heal. It was not me bleeding on him or him bleeding on me. We came together and agreed that we would be the ointment that continues to allow healing in each other’s lives.
We have eight children together. And every day I wake up to a beautiful black man that helps me heal, helps me elevate, and helps me become restored.
Keiyana: As you said, you and your husband have eight kids together, which you both brought in from previous marriages. How was it blending two families into one?
Tamika: It took being intentional. Many folks are looking for love, the fairytale, as I said, but it took a lot of intentionalities and a lot of work. Outside of making time with each other, we incorporated family dates along with me spending one-on-one time with his children and vice versa. We also decided before we said “I do” that if our children were not happy and solid with our relationship, we would not proceed. We understood that we were building a legacy and not just love. So many people want to love yet will not look past the love to create a true legacy.
Keiyana: I like that because often when people come together and try to merge families, they have all this haywire. It is a blessing how you have embraced his children as yours and they view you as a bonus mom. They know you’re an additional love to what they already have with their parents. So I like how you and your husband have made a blended family positive instead of the toxicity portrayed in society.
Keiyana: Moving forward, you are a woman who wears many hats. What are some pros and cons of maintaining the balance between your work and your family?
Tamika: Beautiful question. Anyone who knows me knows that I do not believe in balance but harmony. I feel that when we try to balance things, something will ultimately always be dropped. If you think about a music orchestra or a band, sometimes the drums play a little bit louder than the guitar, and the guitar plays a little louder than the keyboard, but ultimately they are all working together in harmony.
So when I look at my life in harmony, it helps me to better manage everything. There are some periods of my life when I go hard in business. Right now, I am preparing for my seventh book launch. I am going super hard, but I tell my family, Hey, this is what I am doing.
As cliché as that may sound, communication is key. For example, I will tell my husband I will be awake until two or three o'clock in the morning working. However, when that period of my life is over, I go back to being a mom. However, I find a way to bridge everything in my business and life together. For instance, my husband and our children are a part of my business. This way, they do not feel left out and it makes managing my time a lot easier.
Keiyana: In light of Spring, traditionally, people fall into Spring cleaning. What are some things you are working on cleansing from your life?
Tamika: I believe in decluttering and Spring cleaning our mind, body, and soul. I look for ways to declutter my mind by removing negative thought patterns. I have this technique that I call pushing pause on the negative and pushing play on the powerful. This includes writing down the lies I have been speaking to myself and cleansing those things out. That is one way that I spring clean my mind.
Pertaining to my body, I am currently on a juice detox because I believe that the work God has called me to do, requires me to be physically fit. That does not mean that I have to look like a supermodel, but there is a saying that the race is not given to the swift nor the strong, but he that endures to the end. If I am overweight because I am eating cookies and snacks, and I like cookies and snacks <laughs >, but if I am busy doing that, I will not be able to run the race set before me. Therefore, I am shedding any negative weight as a result of trauma.
Lastly, I work on cleansing my soul. Growing up in church, there were many things that I was taught that I no longer believe are my values. I am constantly deprogramming from what I was taught and doing soul work. I ask myself, what does my soul need, and what does my relationship with God look like?
Keiyana: As we close, tell our readers where they can find you on social media and what to expect from you this year.
Tamika: First, I would like to thank Foundation First for inviting me to their amazing platform! It has been my honor and privilege to be able to share more of my story. This year, Tuesday with Tamika Coaching and Consulting will be releasing our seventh book, Unpacking. It is a powerful Healed Girls Guide to Healing Hidden Trauma.
I also envision us expanding and speaking on more stages. We are launching our Esther Mastery program where I walk women through six months of healing deep trauma, elevating their mindset, and restoring their relationship with men. Each month, I will be hosting a virtual summit called Booked, Busy, and Boo’d Up. All the details at tuesdaywithtamika.com, and follow me on socials at Tamika_Thomas.
My YouTube channel has been doing its thing lately, which I’m excited about. Be sure to subscribe to Tamika Thomas on YouTube. You can also follow me on Facebook at Tamika Thomas, and TamikaThomas44 on TikTok. Lastly, tune into my podcast, Tuesday with Tamika, where we just hit over 300,000 downloads! A new episode is released every Tuesday. You can find it on Spotify, Apple Podcast, Google Podcasts, iHeartRadio, etc.
On behalf of Foundation First, we want to thank Tamika Thomas for sharing her inspiring testimony!
Stay connected with Tamika by clicking the links below.
Instagram: @tamika_thomas and @tuesdaywithtamikapodcast_
TikTok: @tamikathomas44
YouTube: Tamika Thomas
Website: www.tuesdaywithtamika.com